5:30am and I wake up to our even-louder-than-normal neighbors frantically talking outside my window and water gushing out of somewhere unknown next door. Gushing. 5 minutes after being fully awake, it was decided that I should not pursue the morning run on the chance that the water was shut off when I returned, and I have to meet people and at least not smell bad today. Sure enough, I had just enough time to wash my hair in the barely dripping sink (it was already disconnected upstairs) in the downstairs bathroom before the dripping subsided completely. And so my morning was derailed a bit, and I, instead of dragging myself around the block, took a few moments to sit and read and just "be". And low and behold, I find that I need words and thoughts and feelings to just resonate and sit with me and fill me up.

So I'm sitting with my already twice-reheated coffee soaking in the swirling thoughts, about to dive into the craziness that I know will be today – the ringing phone, a meeting or two, spreadsheets, emails, and lots of sweet pictures of the kids in Ghana that always make me want to give more than I sometimes think I have and sometimes really do have. I would like to write more, maybe about that, maybe about something entirely different, but it's hard to justify "sitting" for very long – quite a foreign concept to me. But I will acknowledge this morning that the time has been nice, and say that to those of you who think I'm crazy for drinking out of water bottles more than I do drinking glasses – I had enough water in bottles in the fridge to not only make coffee, but to also brush my teeth this morning.

Steal a few moments today to take some time and just sit.

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"I get stuck because I try to map out every dip and turn, try to write an ending, literally and figuratively, before a beginning even exists."

"I imagine God noticing all the things about me that should get fixed up one day, and loving me anyway and being okay with the mess for the time being... In my best moments, when I calm down and listen closely, God says, "I didn't ask you to become new and improved today. That wasn't the goal. You were broken down and strange yesterday, and you still are today, and the only one freaked out about it is you."

"We were made to represent the love of God in each other's lives, so that each person we walk through life with has a more profound sense of God's love for them."

           – all from Shauna Niequist (in her brilliant little book, Cold Tangerines, which my friend Juliette told me about, and you, dear reader, will hear more about later)

It's Monday. And there's some rumor going around about school starting. I feel very disconnected from all that. I am however, working on some logo/design research and work and found this little gem:

The Well is a non-profit coffeehouse in Nashville that gives their proceeds to various places around the world in need. So cool. My favorite part is the Wishing Well where anyone in the community can post "wishes" (I wish I had tuition money, I wish I had someone to talk to about..., I wish I had someone to help me move, etc.) and random people try to meet the needs. Brilliant.

Here's a great post on the renovation and also where I got the pics. Love it, and in the foreseeable mayhem of this week, I wish I was sequestered here this morning.

Happy Monday!

You know how when you move somewhere new and feel totally out of place and everyone is just being nice to you and inviting you places cause you look like a total newb and they feel sorry for you and know you don't know anyone and life is just awkward? That happened.

But then you know how it is when you wake up one day and things just start clicking and you love your job and love your friends and love your community and you still don't have everything figured out but it's ok and life is just rich? This is happening.

I was cooking dinner last night when the thought hit me. The thought of "I can't imagine not living here. I can't imagine not doing what I'm doing." And it was good.

Here's what's been going on lately:

• I started recycling. Why I haven't done this before, I'm not sure. It always seemed like too much effort which is really my way of naming excuses. But now? Now I peruse the house in search of #1 or #2 plastic bottles. Oh, that one's not empty yet? Well, finish it up. Rinse and remove the lid and place it in that basket there. Saving the planet, one cardboard box at a time.

• I joined a running club. I would like to attribute this to peer pressure, but really I had nearly convinced myself on my own; knowing a few other people already committed to the group pushed me over the edge. Saturday morning long runs commence tomorrow. Which is precisely why I sat on the couch eating chocolate chips last night. Soak in those final moments of undisciplined, heathenistic behavior? Yes, yes I think I will.

• On a similar note, I'm considering going Primal with the diet. Granted, there would be a few "unwilling to give up items" – tortillas and ice cream being at the top of the list. But I'm slowly converting my pantry items. I even bought a cucumber the other day (Mom from 9 hours away... "You did what?!). It's disgusting, but I luckily take more issue with wasting food than eating something that makes me want to puke. Unless we're talking about mushrooms. That's on an entirely different level.

• Mom and Dad are texting now! Totally jaw-dropping. The funny thing is, they are quite accomplished already yet think their skills are lacking. Let me just say, when you text from a courthouse during jury duty, you're totally in the club. Legit.

• I'm making homemade laundry soap this weekend. Stay tuned for how that goes. I'm pretty excited, myself. Little things.

• And finally, I stopped in at Hobby Lobby yesterday afternoon to pick up some stuff for work and was met with 8 aisles top to bottom of smiling Santas, snowmen, red & green throwing up at every turn, wreaths, hanging stockings... and a 40% off sale on Fall decor. I'm sorry, but did I miss the changing leaves, costume contests, black cats, baking pumpkin bread, and turkey dinner? Where have we gone wrong?! And so I initiated a "bring back Fall" chant somewhere between the tinsel and the reindeer display, but after receiving a few odd looks from nearby shopping Grandmas, I snapped a picture and walked out. I can't take it.

This is happening.

For the love, I cannot seem to stay ahead of the mounting tide of life. I'm getting close to that place where I become very apathetic in general and intentionally refuse to do stuff out of spite. Like shower for 3 days. Or eat anything besides burritos and ice cream. Or leave the house except to go to the mailbox. Ok, not really. But sorta.

There was a week of "slow-ness" at the beginning of the month and then BAM! But in the middle of all the crazy, I joined 80 adults and 60 kids (yes, that's 6-0) at family church camp this past weekend. I had my doubts, but it was honestly quite enjoyable. We went to Camp Tejas in Giddings, which no doubt boasts the coolest facilities I've ever seen at a camp/retreat center. Here's one of the buildings. The 12 rooms open up to an outside breezeway and are each decorated with a different month of the year. And check out that ceiling!!! Love.

I also had the joy of jumping off this 50' beauty along with one of the coolest 8-year-olds I know. I attempted the rock climbing wall first, but halfway up, the whole tower started shaking (as the zipline caught), and I quickly made my way down. Pansy. Quitter. But my two feet are on the ground! The zip line was awesome though. I *thought* I took a video with my phone, but it either got deleted or I picked up someone else's on accident and used it. Oops. Trust that it was fun. But I would still like to go on a legit jungle tree-to-tree zip.

Enjoyed meeting lots of new faces and really connecting with some folks over the course of the weekend. Blessed by community here.

I was going to post something today that was awesome and thought-provoking and full of inspiration, but then I didn't. So this weekend, ponder the greatness of e.e.cummings (You're welcome, Dad.):


To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting.

Five days later, I'm still digging dirt out from under my nails. Lovely, I know. Our "trek" through the Middle Fork wasteland all the way to Elk Mecca was quite arduous, at best. In fact, arduous is my new favorite word. We were Frodo on the endless trail to Mount Doom (Middle Fork? Middle Earth? Definite similarity...). Anyway... Dad, Jesse, and I headed to NM, meeting up with one of his hunting buddies and canine, infamous for their mountainous elk-tracking skills. Yes, their. Who knew a Jack Russell could be such a legend as well as a lover of beef jerky? This team is the real deal. I digress...

We spent the first night at the trucks as our road in was quite rocky and, shall we say, never-ending (merely the beginning). Finally struck out the next morning after searching for the "right" trail a good portion of the morning. Here's the crew, minus yours truly, on task:

Day 2 quickly turned into "not sure where we are" and "can't pick up a satellite" in the depths of this deep, dark canyon, followed by the horse-who-refused-to-go-up-the-mountain-I'm-not-sure-how-many-times... lost count of that as well as the number of time we crossed the knee-deep creek river. But then, I love me some good unexpected adventure, and as I mentioned in the previous post, hygiene went out the window the moment we started down the trail. Save the soot-infested creek (by-product of the fire), the scenery was absolutely beautiful, consolation that at least we felt like we were the only ones to have stepped foot in the area in the last 10 years. Good thing, or bad?! We finally ended up in a meadow that seemed to have no outlet, completely out of water and unable to drink from the creek. Perfect. After a bit of delirium (yes, seriously), we set up camp for the night, drank corn and green bean juice, and sent up thanks to whoever thought to pack the peach fruit cups. Life saver. No lie.

Anyway, the next morning was a successful attempt at water filtration. Here's what we were working with after a night of it sitting out to settle. (Only YOU Can Prevent Wildfires! Ironically, this one soot-creek was the result of lightning. Figures.)

Recharged, sorta, we found the right trail the next morning and made it fairly quickly to our originally intended camp spot. The afternoon/evening was spent eating (we finally had water to cook with), enjoying a rain storm, and scouting the area. Lots of elk and burn signs in this neck of the woods.

We packed out the next day, this time on the right trail and endured an eternal climb up out of the canyon bottom. It looked like this at the top.

And then we made it back, realizing that our first mistaken trail was within a half-mile of the truck; we just couldn't see it cause the grass was grown up so tall. Awesome. Sure can't complain about that view though! Another Gila adventure in the books.

"Camping, even if only for one night, is worth it. There’s something so amazing about being outside for extended time. The unmistakable smell of the fire. The gratitude for an unexpected cool breeze. Waking up from sleep in the middle of the night and seeing the moon watching over you. It’s just a beautiful thing. Even the dirty feet, washing dishes in a tub of cold water, and long walks to the facilities. It’s so grounding.

I think camping, especially extended camping, might be the perfect reset button. The opening we all sometimes need to reassess. To notice what we can do without. And what is essential. It’s a chance to be still and feel a little wild all at once. I want to take that home and hold it there."

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Love this little write up from Penelope Dullaghan, a brilliant creative and illustrator. There is just something about being outside, throwing all caution to good hygiene, and taking off on wild adventure that is the perfect reset for me. And so, Dad and I took off on a grand little 4-day excursion to scout the Whitewater-Baldy Fire aftermath in the "bowels of the Gila" as we later coined it.

We didn't get into as much burn area as I expected, but we did find a lot of unexpected trails, an eagle, a cave, several elk herds, deer, and a scarce amount of water. We learned to appreciate corn and green bean juice. More on that later. For now, here's the view driving in:

Is it faux pas to share a birthday wish? You know, that whole "make a wish" one right before you blow out the candles? Probably. But then, I've never been an advocate for proper etiquette...

Birthdays have never been a huge deal to me. Sure, we always had parties with our friends – sleepovers with treasure hunts were quite popular at our house – and Mom always made the most incredible homemade cakes and desserts. In fact, she has yet to give that up, it's just transitioned a bit to the grandkids now. I think it's her "birthday language of love", and she puts so much time and heart into those creations, from horses to tractors to Ninja Turtles to giraffes. I'm still working on convincing her to open a bakery.

Back on task... We celebrated and acknowledged those special days of birth growing up, but never had the massive invite-50-friends-to-McDonald's-playland-extravaganzas (you know the ones I'm talking about, children of the 80's). I think there's a fine line between celebrating someone and creating a sense of entitlement to lavish gifts and attention. I tend to lean towards avoiding gifts and attention like the plague, to an extreme, but that's another issue altogether.

However, there was this whole "I turned a year older" deal yesterday, and I must admit, it was so special to me because so many thoughtful people encouraged my heart and affirmed my life. {Also of note was the receipt of not one, but two, monkey cards signed by my favorite kiddoes, the best breakfast at Fuego, and time shared with friends over the most fabulous chocolate cake – which disappeared too quickly to get a good picture.}

But here's the thing – which I've been thinking about a lot lately, not just in regards to birthdays: I am so blessed to be surrounded by people who love me well. ("Loving well" is a fairly new phrase for me, but is often used in my circles here; I'm such a fan.) I don't just mean they love me and claim me as a friend; I mean they know me, speak truth to me, and meet me right where I'm at today. They are teaching me to not just love, but to love well. I'm working on receiving that, but my wish is that I would learn to love them well in return – not when it's convenient for me, not when it's easy, not when it makes sense... but when I don't really feel like it, feel out of place, and have to sacrifice my time and energy to do so.

Lord, help us love each other well.

And never be ashamed of eating chocolate cake for breakfast.