Filled

Last night I crawled in between clean sheets to sleep. And woke up promptly at 4:30am, wide awake. I then proceeded to eat cookies for breakfast just because I could. Welcome home! Sometimes adjusting back isn't a big deal. There's always much to catch up on and the typical retelling of stories over and over and the mounds of picture editing, but that all just happens as it happens; I'm learning to be ok with it. Emphasis on the "learning".

But sometimes adjusting back is just hard. There's the overwhelming task of grocery shopping after coming off a week of solid chicken and rice. Why, oh why, are there so many different kinds of cereal?! There's the continued lack of reconciliation with living in such a blessed culture and seeing a week of "without". But there's also this constant wrestling of failing to communicate experiences to others. I seem to set myself up for this one: I want to tell about things that happened and expect for others to "get it", but it falls flat.

I want to be able to convey the overwhelming joy when we dropped the first fish cages in the water and added the fingerlings while the trafficked children looked on. I want to explain the utter fear and peace as we crouched in the bottom of the boat and prayed for safety in the middle of a lightning storm. I want to paint a picture of what it was like to interview 17 trafficked children, to hear every one of them say they want to go to school instead of work. And I want to hear a response of "yes, I understand why you do what you do". But it doesn't ever come how I wish for it to.

It occurred to me tonight that I'm looking in all the wrong places. I think one reason God grants us unexplainable experiences is so that we'll be drawn to him in a way that no one else can come close to. I can tell stories and share feelings all day long, but God's the only one who will truly "get it" every single time since He granted it to begin with. What a cool thing that can be when I stop looking to other people to fill me up in ways that they cannot. Tonight, God is filling me up in some incredible ways and drawing me close. Oh that I would simply rest in that!

More to come...