Question (to be read with Dwight Schrute inflection): What is the cure for not going postal on those days when everything piles up and threatens to drive you over the edge like the demon-possessed oinkers launching themselves over a cliff?
(Ok, slightly dramatic. But humor me; I assure you, nothing else going on in life right now holds much entertainment value.)
Answer: the everyday Peanut Butter & Jelly sandwich
Oh, I know. Not the answer you were looking for, but I assure you that though it may be for only a fractional moment in time, the PBJ will indeed draw all of life's angst into perfect alignment. Such an experience was mine at lunch today. Riddled with trivial invasions and the curing of another's incompetency all morning, I fled my cubicle to the nearest park and pulled out my Ziploc to reveal the world's simplest luxury. Ahh...
I remember writing my first 'How To' paper in grade school on How to Make a Peanut Butter & Jelly Sandwich. Although that might seem odd, you'd be surprised to know how many people ruin such a fine delicacy. Perfection lies in these simple ingredient guidelines: wheat bread (white bread sticks to the roof of your mouth and is just plain nasty), creamy peanut butter (chunks tear up the bread), and jelly of the strawberry or apricot variety (preferably homemade). While many people try to enhance the PBJ with substitutes of honey, banana, Nutella, or other falsities, it's best to stick with the original trusty ingredients.
Versatility abounds in the PBJ. This mere sandwich can endure being smashed flat-as-a-pancake when little Johnny hits Pete over the head with his soft-shell lunchbox on the school bus, ungodly temperatures of 85 degrees in February, and being stuffed in a backpack for a quick snack on a hiking trail. Not only are they acclimatized for any weather and treatment, PBJs are a healthy, high energy food, peanut butter being high in calories, protein, and monounsaturated fat, and jelly in sugar. Always a bonus in an endurance race... or just for everyday living.
My friend Tim may disagree with the demand of such an item, but a 2002 survey showed the average American will have eaten 1,500 of the sandwiches before graduating from high school. And that was 7 years ago! Popularity ensues. Point made, Timothy.
Whip up a PBJ on your way out the door in the morning. You won't be disappointed.
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